Nothing’s wrong.
Wow, what a week it has been. Carlee is 8 days old now and only recently have I been able to process the events that happened on the day of her birth. I’ll share Carlee’s birth story later (It is without a doubt the highlight of the whole experience, other than looking into sweet Carlee’s face.) but I wanted to recount some of the details from my perspective.
Carlee was born at 1:48 pm. EMTs arrived at 1:58 pm. Those 10 minutes were probably the quickest 10 minutes of my life, because I didn’t know what was happening to her and I didn’t want them to take my baby away from me. When she was born, I was so relieved and so excited to get to hold her; I scooped her up in my arms and held her close to me. She squeezed my fingers. Erin asked me to put Carlee down and gave her oxygen immediately. I vaguely remember asking what was wrong? Was she not breathing correctly? I don’t remember the answer because I could tell by Carlee’s blue face and her not crying.
In that instant, I should have panicked. I should have broken down with such emotion and heartache (which is what I’m doing now, just thinking about it). Instead, I was filled with peace, knowing that nothing’s wrong with Carlee. This peace was so overwhelming that I actually felt time stand still as I looked into my baby girl’s eyes. I knew she would be okay. I just didn’t know when.
Erin told me she was glad I didn’t start hemorrhaging, because usually when a baby crashes, the Mom crashes as well. The whole time I was thinking about John 10:27 - “My sheep know my voice and I know them…” I started talking to Carlee and telling her, “This is your mommy; I’m here! I’m so glad to see you. You are beautiful.” I knew Carlee knew my voice.
For 10 long minutes we waited. As soon as the EMTs arrived, she started “pinking up” and responding. As soon as she got to the hospital, the ER docs said she looked fine and they transported her up to the NICU. All the tests came back with glowing numbers. Nothing’s wrong.
I had quite a time delivering my placenta - when the EMTs arrived, I was sitting on the floor, placenta and umbilical cord intact. Erin cut the cord so they could take Carlee to the hospital. (It is common practice for midwives to delay cord clamping so that the baby receives all nutrients possible from the Mom.) So when I needed to deliver the placenta, I distinctly remember saying, “I can’t.” I didn’t want to be away from Carlee. I wanted her there with me. So Erin prayed something like, “Lord, you have this in your hands.” I prayed too, knowing that the pain was only temporary, because nothing’s wrong. Within a few minutes I delivered the placenta without any undue pressure or pain.
And yet, when I think about those 10 minutes, I now cry, thinking about what could have happened to precious Carlee. The other day Colby came in to find me in the midst of a crying spell. He had such a face of empathy and genuine concern. (He is so very compassionate for a 3 year-old.) He asked me, “Mommy, why are you crying?” I told him, “Mommy is sad right now, but I’m happy to see you. I am always happy to see you and your sisters. Nothing’s wrong.” Colby said, “Don’t be sad, Mommy. I love you.” which only made me cry more. Thank you, Lord, that nothing’s wrong.
Add comment November 18th, 2008